Letter of integration

This was written for the women who have just finished a 6 day Heart of the Huntress 5rhythms immersion... but if I’m honest it is also a letter of reminder to myself, as I grow and dance and die and do it all again, because I tend to teach what I need to learn.

We are mammals. Mammals need touch and connection. We need community to do this work. Together. So as you dance your own unique path, keep sharing with each other... the moments you have said no and yes, the almost inevitable contraction after the expansion, the feelings of wistful yearning to be back in connected family and the often harsh realisation that finding these connections can be challenging out in the greater world. But we have each other, we can't undance the dances we have done together.

As one Huntress put it, sometimes it can feel easier to be in blindness; ignorance is bliss. Unconsciously moving through our habits, falling into our stories which are safe and known.

But as we move into consciously getting our needs met, shifting our patterns, taking responsibility for our choices and their consequences, the grief and even rage can be overwhelming. The whole process can feel insurmountable. The realisation that I got myself here and now there are so many steps to get myself through this to more fertile country.

For me though, it's useful to remember that awareness is a solvent. By simply being aware of the patterns, our organism naturally moves towards a new way. Our psyche throws off everything in the way. It's like pulling out splinters that have been deeply embedded for years or even decades. The poison and inflammation is going to release as well. It may hurt or be uncomfortable. Old stuck feelings may surface as the poison releases. This is the icky stuff that has stopped us going into this territory for so long.

Emotions are energy in motion. They want to move. So move, my loves, dance where you can, dance what is true, turn your suffering into art. As one Huntress showed us, sing your heart out. Keep moving, because in nature anything that stagnates, dies. Give your stories shapes, and know that they those stories are not true, they just need to be heard. Dance and dance some more. Dance the poison out.

If you are having a crap day, then wallow ON PURPOSE. Eat all the shit food, watch mindless drivel on Netflix, feel sorry for yourself, but do it with panache, do it like it's a career, with a flourish and a pirouette and a bow to yourself as you bellyflop into the mud. And as you watch this story having PERMISSION to exist because you are holding it now instead of making it wrong, start to notice the deeper stories of your own wisening child.

And ask.... what is happening here and what is it teaching me? What is it teaching me about my deeper patterns? About my life? About my habits? About the nature of existence? Be fascinated. Be your own anthropology experiment. And be kind. Be kind. Be kind.

Above all, FORGIVE YOURSELF! Nobody changes all at once. You are amazing for even looking. We can only eat the elephant one bite at a time. We can only dance the step that is in front of us. So if you can, let the arrow of your intent fly and LET GO THE OUTCOME. You cannot know where it will land. Have faith in every single step you have ever made, even the ones that feel like mistakes, because nothing is wasted and every single thing that happens to us is a gift. Every single step was necessary to get you right to this moment. So instead of contracting against the onslaught, take a breath, curl up to let the wave take you until you rise again into the foam and as you witness yourself, keep asking... What is the gift?

Growing hurts. Loving hurts. If we lean into the pain, lean into the sharp places, dance and move and love with our whole hearts, we are bigger than those feelings, we are designed to feel it all, it is how we know we are truly alive. We are Mountain Mama with roots buried deep into the earth, listening to her oldest stories. We are the high cloud, endlessly changing, never the wrong shape, and we are the sun, sometimes masked by the cloud but still radiant, still burning bright. The storm is the storm is the storm and the storm cannot help being a storm. It just is. Our true natures are not something we can alter, only remember, and when we truly let go into that, without trying to make them something that they are not, we can allow all our colours to shine, even the ones we judge as wrong.

No colour can ever be wrong. Especially not yours.

So, my loves, as you integrate back into your greater world, and the new space and shape of you rubs against the shape your Life made around you, keep moving what is true, from this breath to this, to this; shape after shape in the biggest dance, where control is an illusion and we remember that we are made of stars.
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Big love
Gina